Critter management

When riding on remote roads or bike trails that lead through wilderness, there’s a good chance you’ll encounter wildlife. Some, like blue heron, great white egrets, turkeys, deer and coyotes, are quite a thrill to see in their natural habitat.

But others are best treated with a red alert. Because if you accidentally hit them while on the bike, they can make you crash. That will injure or kill the wildlife and/or injure or kill you. Squirrels and snakes top that list for me. For me, the scariest, unpredictable little critter that can run under your wheels and make you crash, is a squirrel. I’ve had a few run-ins with them and a lot of close calls. Their little brains don’t comprehend fast moving bicycles, so they’ll just run across your path, in an oblivious, frenzied scramble for nuts or whatever else makes them flit about.

One such squirrel took me out as I was riding about 18 mph down a little dip on a nearby bike trail that was in the middle of a sweeping left hand turn. It happened so fast, I couldn’t react with an evasive move. I remember looking down and seeing a small dark movement toward my front wheel. When my front tire hit the squirrel, the left lean I had on the bike jerked the tire all the way to the right, sideways, and my momentum sent me flying through the air as the bike dropped under me. I was fully stretched out and landed on the asphalt on my extended left forearm, which I put out to break my fall. My elbow took the biggest hit, with the underside of my forearm heavily skinned up. I got up, and looked around, and never saw the squirrel. He had to have been killed, and probably limped away and died. Sorry Mr. Squirrel. I rode to a nearby water fountain and ran water over my bloody arm before heading home.

After that, I’m as squirrelly as any squirrels I see while riding. I see one off to the side of road and I make like a snake. I hiss as loud as I can to hopefully send the message that they’re about to be a snake’s snack if they don’t run the other way. That usually works. But these little guys are totally unpredictable in which way they dart. Some will sit on their hind legs, watch you, and not move a muscle as they watch your wheels whip by them, inches away. Others, as if fleeing from a fire alarm in their heads, sprint right out in front of you at the last second! It’s crazy making, I tellya! If you’re lucky you can miss ‘em. Be thankful when you do, because the alternative can be not so fun.

A few months ago, I lost my rear wheel because of an evasive move I made from a darting squirrel. I hit the brakes as he ran to my front wheel. I leaned on the bike to try to avoid him, but in doing so, my right heel went too far toward the bike frame and collided with the spokes of my rear wheel. That popped two or three spokes out and blew the rim out of round and into an oval. That immediately jammed the rear wheel and put me into a about a 10 yard skidding stop.

So, the bike rendered unrideable, I shouldered it and walked to a nearby park. I called a friend who luckily could come and drive me home. That prompted me to buy a new, much upgraded wheel set, front and back, which I had been planning to do eventually. So in this case the squirrel accelerated my wheel set upgrade, so it wasn’t all bad. A little expensive, though!

Just yesterday, on the way back from a long ride on a nearby bike trail, a squirrel, in the shade, slowly ambled right in front of me at the last second from the right, and I jerked the bike left, just missing him! I yelled back at the crazy little critter, as if he knew English, and took a few deep breaths as I continued to ride.

So it’s a crapshoot when the squirrels are out, and in the autumn nut gathering season, it seems like they’re everywhere on the nearby bike trail. I’m so leery of them that I’ve decided this year, I’m going to avoid the bike trail near my house for the fall months. Just not in any hurry to do another flying skid off the pavement!

Snakes, I’ve found, are almost always avoidable, provided you see them in your path early enough. I’ve always managed to go around them, then warn any oncoming riders of the snake’s presence. Let’s hope we can all avoid squirrels and snakes and wild turkeys and any other critters that might cross our paths while on the bike. Keeping alert with eyes ahead at all times is, of course, the best prevention. But I’ve been caught off guard even while riding in a critter detection mode.
A lot less dangerous, but still annoying are bees. I've found that when a bee hits you while riding fairly fast, they hit hard, like a small pebble. One time I followed a buddy on a ride who got one in his helmet! He knew immediately that there was a bee in his bonnet, and skidded to a stop on the side of the road. He unsnapped his chin strap, pulled off his helmet and ran his hand through his hair til it flew off. 
He handled an unnerving situation well. Even though he could feel the bee inside his helmet, he found a safe place to stop and then addressed the problem. That beats trying to flip off the helmet while still riding, and risking a nasty fall. So the key was that he never panicked, which is not always easy to do, but is definitely the best way to go.
I've been stung by bees while riding, once right in the stomach through my jersey -- the bee must have gotten caught in it and stung his way free -- and once recently in the wrist near my glove. I didn't even notice I'd been stung until the end of the ride. But here's a good thing to do if you get stung: Stop and pour some water from your bottle in any nearby dirt, if possible, and rub the mud into the sting. That's after pulling out any stinger that may be embedded. The mud will dry out the stung area and keep the pain and swelling in check. It works, so good to remember.

So when we make it home safely and relatively intact from a ride where critters roam, or anywhere else, we should all just take a moment and thank our lucky stars. We were able to go on a ride, get a workout, and come home the better for it. As one pro football coach has his team shout in unison to fire them up: 
"Who’s got it better than us? NOBODY!"

Til next time, remember to always strap on a helmet before every bike ride, and then, most importantly, keep the rubber side down!

-- Mark Eric Larson

Mark Eric Larson has written two books of essays, "The NERVE...of Some People's Kids," and "Don't Force it, Get a Bigger Hammer. To read, visit: 
http://www.scribd.com/Mark%20Eric%20Larson/shelf